Bloody boring business books

I woke up at four o'clock this morning muttering 'mustn't go public too soon', sadly this had nothing to do with a more interesting secret life I was living - it was my brain leaking out useless information I had picked up while reading business start-up books. I have read about ten of them now - trust me when I say that these books were written to stop people ever indulging in the notion that one day they could work for themselves. The only one I read that didn't make me want to cry or slap somebody was: The Small Business Start-Up Workbook by Cheryl D. Rickman - it was encouraging, informative and actually written for the U.K market, which is a miracle in itself.

Reading those books did make me sit down and write a business plan though - yes I know that is supposed to be the first thing you do but it's boring and I didn't want to do it! But it's done now and I have learnt some useful things from it:

1. My start-up costs will be at least four-times the amount I thought they would be - interestingly it seems that drawing pretty pictures for my logo, coming up with a name and worrying about how my stuff will smell are no longer my top priorities.

The books have a number of solutions to the start-up costs problem and number one is to ask family and friends. I have two problems with this: 1. I'm no George Bailey and this certainly isn't It's A Wonderful Life (apart from the bit where he's worth more dead than alive - but even that's not true, I'm as worthless dead as alive). 2. All the advice I have read in those same books say not to go into business with family and friends - I get confused enough without mixed messages.

2. I'm supposed to have a percentage of my start-up budget set aside for marketing - it would seem that having a website and then telling people about it is not only not enough, but it is also a retarded notion.

Their answer to this problem is long-winded, scary and way-out of my price range. So I will just have to get creative about that when the time comes - that's right I'm pretending that problem doesn't exist.

3. I need to go into business with someone with some business sense - I get it now, I shouldn't be trying to do this. It seems that having an idea and then putting it into practice is only the beginning, all the boring stuff has to happen after that.

The books seem to suggest having a 'brains behind the business' person - which clearly isn't me. I found myself getting annoyed with my friends for not being that person - it's not fair that nobody I know has any business acumen or alternatively is rich. I do have an idea though, which is to hang out around the business school and make friends with the undergraduates - maybe I can groom one of them to fulfil my business needs.

You might be wondering how my book is coming along amongst all this business blah, blah (although it's highly unlikely) - in case you are, let me tell you, it's not. Where in the hell do you think there is room in my tiny little brain to be creative when I have all this boring business stuff swirling around in it? I have tried to push it aside and write but it's impossible - I have a constant mental tally going on in my head of the costs of essential oils, macerated oils, beeswax, sea algae, etc. etc. etc.